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28 August 2012 @ 05:22 pm

Everyday Morning Routine - Skincare

                                           
So, it has been awhile since I have made a video and I keep saying I am going to do one but it never gets done. However, I have developed a new routine made up of really great products that I am going to share with you.

To whoever who have been waiting for one, kindly wait till the end of the month when the internet gets set up and I am really excited. Been getting in the hang of things again and I got some pictures to post as I am trying out something to cure my acne scars.

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Current Mood: productive
Current Music: (Friends)
 
 
16 August 2012 @ 05:42 pm

It's true, though. Reading my past blog showed me that I was always one to focus more on what is going on in the depths, if possible, the dirtiest depths of our mind and our soul. Be it my own or for others. I believe that just as how you would feel much better cleaning the environment of your room, your house, your closet to make it a more hospitable place to live in, that is exactly how we should clean up the corners of our soul to make it a more hospitable place to live and think in. 

Feeding ourselves with the cutest little armchair in mint green at the corner where we light a candle and read, where we take a long breath and exhale, sort of like cleansing our negativity before allowing our conscious mind to be enveloped in someone else's thoughts, printed out in a book form. That's the same corner we all need to escape from all our thoughts that circle in our head every single day, hour and minute. These thoughts, some of them yours, some of them influenced by the people around you, the media. But this corner in your soul is pristine, where things are exactly how you want it to be and enable you to take a deep breath and let all the thinking go. 

But there was one article on Thought Catalog, the same very one that I shared in a few entries before. 

No one is original. Isn't that terrifying? 

We could have just started out as a blank canvas. Totally open to the world. A box of markers right in front of us. One by one, person by person would pick up one marker and start colouring. Started off with a nice picture, a graffiti and then it starts to be a mess. After awhile, some ink would seep into the canvas and bleed through, something that cannot be repaired and makes you just the person you are. 

And then, there is the media, guiding you with what's appropriate, what is not, depending on the era. Shoulder pads for the 90's, hippy-ish peace signs for the 70's, loud and extroverted 80's and finally, could I just say, with a pinch of salt, cynical and sophisticated Now. 

So, we all try to act the same only with a few quirks, unique person to person but all just a mix of all the colours on our canvas. Can we be different? Can we pick up a marker ourselves and draw around all that mess and make it beautiful again? Have a say before, that canvas is thrown in the garbage and cease to exist. Have a say so that our canvas is sold in galleries for an exorbitant amount of cash. 

Can our soul be kept in a way where we are priceless?

 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
 
 
27 February 2012 @ 06:37 pm
It's been awhile, hasn't it?
This is going to be my posting ground again. Yes, full of pictures, once again. The last time I blogged religiously, meaning, really almost every single day was when I was 18 or something. But I want to start again, here, where I started.
It's going to be mostly personal things, which I do not mind saying out to the masses who are here on the worldwide web. However, I am going to have another site which I update makeup tips, tricks and routines again about what I do.
I am with Neil, now. A man so fabulous, I can feel in my bones that he is going to be an amazing husband and a great father to our kids. My best friend, with whom I share more hobbies than vices. More joys than quarrels. In the blink of an eye, it has been 6 months since we have been together. Currently, I am working in Ericsson now, which is pretty new and cool, I guess.

We have started staying together, a decision that could have taken me months to decide took only days and have not regretted it a bit, not even a lil bit. This month was terrible as both of us just started working and were running on very low financial 'engine'. We still managed to have a giggle and spent most of our days cooped up at home, though. So much that we have decided since we are paying a whopping 800 bucks for the master room we are staying in, might as well use it to our fullest. Thus, once his paycheck is cleared, off I go to get a TV set for the room, PS3 (with freaking FIFA 12!!!) , FINALLY going to get the internet fixed, which makes me freaking delirious because now I can start filming again.

Also, it has been 6 months since I have been using a Nokia phone and I am gagging to get my hands on an Iphone again. Apparently, I have to come up with 800 dollars deposit just to sign up a line again. Mother f. After clearing all the debts, finally I can get what I want now. Can't wait. to. tweet.

Ok, on a less superficial note. I really love it that this year seem to be so much more fun than last year. I am happier.
Much more. I tend to do these reflections a lot to myself. They don't differ much usually, as I have discovered.

But anyhoo, an update nevertheless.

A picture before I go.
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Current Location: office
 
 
31 December 2011 @ 05:16 am
 

It's right on track.

31st December. 2010.

How do I even begin to describe this year?

This year saw me, having the guts and the courage to leave a relationship that was so comfortable but so wrong for me. Just in time before I allowed the demise of my confidence completely. On hindsight, this year showed me how my prior concern about being jaded was definitely unfounded.

This is due to the fact, I take the opposite direction and went all out for this love.

This caused me so much.

It caused me to not be able to even try to plan or even dream to have some freedom with my goals.


This year, I learnt who I want to keep close, some of whom I would rather keep in contact but from a distance, some who I want to keep really close but can't due to the time limitations.

 2010 brought out in me that person, bare and broken but unlike recent years of heartbreak, I learnt to walk again, to stand up again, to be strong enough to grit my teeth and take up all of life's fucking challenges AND blessings and just accept it, take it in, throw it out and simply do something about it. Yes, this year, I learn that I can do something about it.

 Also, this year showed me my strengths and what I want to do as a career path, something I would really want to venture in, professionally. I learnt that my best friends were my own family and my family was also my friends, those who have stayed throughout the years.

 This year also showed me what money and stability can do to oneself and created my hunger for success and satisfaction. There is no room in your mind for mediocre thinking. The power of the positive attitude, towards how you treat people, each individual task and how you treat yourself.

 I met someone great, this year. One who is as obsessed and giving as how I am, almost. To give me that affection I have hungered for so long. This man brings out the best in me and I feel really blessed and for once, can see myself growing and evolving a better person day by day as long as he is by my side.

 Yes, this year, I am struggling, financially, I struggled emotionally.

 But 2012, this is the year that I am going to be the best that I can be. To know what I am good at and do it. To be myself and not apologetic or guilty about it. To always wish good upon people and not let my insecurities affect or give me any allowance to crticise anyone and myself. To train that little voice inside me to have faith in me. To look the best I can look without it being overtly vain, confident. To have respect in promises being made regarding time. To allow myself some credit from time to time without it being an excuse to be stuck in the rut. To push myself to endless possibilities and believe that studying for my degree is not so far away, that travelling is possible and the ultimate resolution is that no mattter how much I have to work, I am going to clear my hefty mistake of thousands of dollars debt this year itself, or I am going to die trying.

 So yes, 2012 is not about social events or partying as much as much as building me according to what I have aspired for myself for so long. This year, I chase. And I am going to get there. Just you wait and see.

 
 
 
27 December 2011 @ 04:44 am



This year, Santa treats me well.
I am so blessed.



 
 
16 December 2011 @ 12:33 pm
Let me start off by telling a simple story.

Every night, mixing drinks behind the bar, every night. Talking to customers, getting to know them a little bit better.These customers who patronize the bar become less of a customer and more towards a whole group of really good friends.Some drink for joy, some for intense sadness, some lonely, others just feel like ripping their hair off their scalp in boredom.

A silly banter, some attempts at Michael Jack's moonwalk all get together to form a whole experience of fun.

The same faces, every day. I am not one to broadcast my emotions very freely. But broken and really angry inside from the breakup and the financial mess it had brought upon me, I started drinking. Drinking to get away from the calls from the bank,from the sweet promises that the world tries to market to me, which tasted like crap. But the high it brought me, it also removes all my inhibitions because no longer was I just out to have fun. I was out to forget that I was in fact, very alive. It felt mind numbingly painful and empty.

One day, something new happened. I rested on a stool, puffing away on a ciggie and started sobbing. The sadness was so intense and the blood pumping excitedly in my body (due to the alchohol), I cried and I felt as if my heart was hanging by an anchor so deep within my soul, I never thought it could get better. A friend walked in and like entering a room he shouldn't started backing away but took a seat nontheless. He tried comforting me but I just got angrier and started imposing all my opinions of the injustice that is this world and love is and he just took it. After two full hours, listening to me with a pained look on his face, I started to relax and then I told him this, loaded with self pity, "All I wanted was someone to love me, that's all, I really thought this was it. Now I am all alone..again."

He nudged my face to look into his eyes and said, "You are not alone. You, of all people, are not alone." I blinked a tear away and looked away, I couldn't look at anyone. "There is always a reason why He tested you so much" "Who?' I asked, suddenly confused.
"Him. He never tested me or the people around you because He knows they are not strong enough. You. You are amazing and been through so much and still laugh and smile ALL.THE.TIME. Your strength is immense. You think, He won't walk you through this one, the same way He walked with you through all the other crap. With His tests, comes your wisdom of life. With His tests, you have seen much more that people your age have seen and emerged out very well. So never, ever, think you are alone, because He is with you, even now almost telling you, things are going to be ok."

I looked at him and cried. These tears are not the same tears. These tears are of relief, are of joy. I looked straight into his eyes and said ,"I forgot about Him, i forgot, Neil." He smiled and from then onwards, we became tight friends. Always raising my motivation and confidence. One day, I borrowed his Tablet to cure my boredom and play Angry Birds. Imagine my suprise when I saw my picture on his wallpaper! I ignored it, love was the last thing on my mind and he did not mention anything so I am just going to pretend I did not see it.

I continued, dating and healing. He was always there in the club, laughing with us and some of the times, my dates. One day, he said,"I am going to tell you this, I love you. I have loved you for a year now. Everyone in my life knows about you. Except yourself. You are going to be with me one day. Not now, because I want to give you the best. And right now, I am not ready yet. But one day." I replied, "Neil, I love you but not like that. You are a dear, dear friend but I am not ready to go into all that right now and I do not think I am going to be very soon. You know I am dating and I do not intend to stop anytime soon." He looked down and looked at me again , "Date but you are going to end up with me. Trust me." I shrugged and went on my way.

Three days, he did not come to the club. I started missing him. I find myself checking my phone once it ring, thinking it was him. And to my amazement, felt irritated that it was not him. This was odd.

A few months later, I have never been happier. Too soon? Perhaps. The feeling? Purrfect.
 
 
Current Location: detecting...
Current Mood: giddygiddy
 
 
08 April 2011 @ 03:35 pm
Too many things are happening all at one shot. I do not have the time to talk about feelings now but let's summarize it in point forms for the sake of my livejournal.

1) I broke up with Jay. Too many thoughts on that. But one thing is for sure, though at times, I get this sudden wave of emotions, the primary emotions would be relief.

2) Am trying to date again. Innocent movie dates type of things but needs to relax for awhile first.

3) Working in Le Bleu is spectacular and have decided to take about one more month till I decide to get a day job.

4) Am staying in my own place and trying to fix things up one step at a time.

5) Burying old hatchets are hard but essential.

6) Gotta shower now. Prayers then off to girl bond. Need me some of that.

7) Hair and laundry first.

Adios, for now.
 
 
14 February 2011 @ 09:32 pm

First time I actually think miley cyrus looks absolutely stunning. Good hair, excellent makeup, great dress. Thumbs UP!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Tags:
 
 
Current Location: 1.3963,103.7654
 
 
12 November 2010 @ 01:46 am
Today I want to speak out on things that I was afraid to for quite some time, I do not believe that many people read this anymore other than those who actually makes a little extra effort to know things about me which I believe then deserves to read these thoughts that i write. Recently, I have been taking some pills against my better knowledge just for me to lose weight, thought it has worked a slight bit, I have also stopped eating properly. And the past two weeks, I have passed out twice. This incident have shown to me many things about the kind of people around me and how poorly I have been treating myself in the chase to do what? Lose weight, be happier. I have lost about 5 kg but I feel worse about myself.

This idea. This idea of feeling good only when you look the best that you could, when others say you look good, this chase. It's exhausting. And no matter how many times I hear that I look good, I never believe it because I believe I can always look better. And that is exactly how girls are, aren't we. Once we lose that weight, we want to lose those pores and then get those shoes to make you look better than you already look in the first place. Yesterday, when I passed out again, I looked into the mirror and I saw myself pale without a flush of colour on my cheeks and I got scared. And so, I threw my bad habit out of the window and started again as how I first began a healthy lifestyle before the words of others got to me.

And so, I have been trying to recuperate in mind, body and soul. Because we are who we are and we shall never be who that other person is, even if that other person was a picture of you in the past. We all have changed, why not our body? I am not saying that we are all exempted from trying to look good but like our heart and mind that have been eroded with our experiences with life, love and consequences, it gets okay to sometimes take a step back and accept ourselves, just the way we are.